U.S. readies "Iraqi PATRIOT Act" to protect democracy, freedom

Humor Alert:

 

Thursday, 10 April 2003

 

BAGHDAD (Routers) -- A team of Coalition legislators, lawyers, prosecutors, and judges has been air-dropped into Firbol Square to take charge of Saddam's statue's head and to prepare Iraqi democracy for the post-liberation era.

Copies of the suggested model legislation were distributed to reporters outside the Tel Aviv Hotel (formerly the Palestine Hotel). Copies were made on French copiers looted from the Ministry of Information.

Some of the items in the model legislation include:

* passage of the "Iraqi PATRIOT Act." This Act would ban speech deemed harmful to the nation, would allow jailing of material witnesses and other illegal combatants without charges, would declare Islam to be a terror-related cult, and would basically be much more efficient that the primitive tools used by Saddam.

* establishment of a dual-party system and the lobbyists and graft collectors necessary to make such a system work. The names of the parties have not been finalized, but at least one of them will likely be called "The Republican Guard."

* a change in the name of the Ministry of Information to "Department of Homeland Security." It is suggested that the current Minister of Information, aka Baghdad Bob, be named Secretary of Homeland Security.

* restrictions on terrorist use of cryptography (in other words, use of cryptography by non-governmental bodies).

* a national ID system based on the system in use in Coalition countries

* an extensive system of surveillance cameras similar to the one

deployed in the United Kingdom, a Coalition principal

* a recommendation that Al-Jazeera and Al-Arabia reporters face charges of sedition for illegally reporting events not intended to be reported

* strong new restrictions on pornography, smut, and hate speech

* a nationwide smoking ban

 

[rest of model legislation at www.coalition.gov/ourplan] http://www.politechbot.com/p-04642.html

 

 

 

 

Top of Page | Home Page

©-free 2003 Adelaide Institute