News
Flashes Back from the Future
January 14, 2015
AUSCHWITZ [Poland]: A group of inmates from 13 countries who claimed to
have spent 1941-44 in the Auschwitz Labor Camp recently met and decided to
submit certain interesting demands to the International Olympics Committee [IOC]
for recognition of their achievements. They argue that since there were no other
officially recognized games for 1944, their own international competitions
should be recognized as the 1944 Olympics Games and be recorded in the IOC
Annals.
They back up this surprising claim by pointing to the fact that the Auschwitz
Main Camp had a swimming pool, a soccer field, a race track, a whore house, and
inmates from at least 20 countries. They have retained the international law
firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe to represent their claims and worked out a
novel marketing arrangement to pay the legal retainers' fees and walk off with a
few extra bucks themselves.
By selling holocaust sports memorabilia, they plan to cash in on the sentimental
memories that many folks still have for time spent in old the holocaust labor
camps. Their spokesmouth, Sly Trickster, explained, "This is just a new twist on
the old holocaust industry scam which emphasized suffering, victimhood, and
gloom. That scam treated the hoaxoco$t as a sacred cow. For us the holyhoax is a
cash cow. Our motto is, 'The hoaxoco$t is fun.' We will sell T-shirts, trunks,
jock straps, whatever for several teams that actually competed at Auschwitz:
Hoaxoco$t Hucksters, Awshucks Owls, Bergen Belchers, Maidenek Madmen, Ghetto
Gorillas, Treblinka Titans, etc. You get the idea! This is a truly fun and games
approach to holocaust education and not that old depressing 'Swindler's List'
pseudo-documentary phoney bologna crapola for old ladies." Sly concluded, "You
are either with us or against us on this one. Any reluctance to give us full
support is prima, seconda, and tertia facie auntie-S emitism or self-hating-jooism.
So get on board or get run over."
---
BROOKLYN [UAssA]: In a stricking reversal of a recently common phenomen,
a Deformed rabbi contracted AIDS from an infant she was circumcising. Several
rabbis have passed on a plethora of diseases to infants being circumcised, but
this is the first reported case of an infant-to-rabies infection. Good for the
infant!
Apparently the circumcising rabbi must suck a certain organ of the infant being
circumcised. Ugh! Disgusting! This is a religious practice???? How about it
being a sexual perversion; pure and simple! We need equal time for dumping on
homosexual priests and pinus sucking perverts!
---
WARSAW: A Polish group who claims to have been transported to Germany
during WW2 has sued the German government for discrimination and demanded
compensation. They argue that the Germans did not allow them to work in the
labor camp system but forced them to live and work in the large cities being
firebombed by the Allies. There were particularly disgusted by Jewish complaints
about being forced to work in Auschwitz and other labor camps. The Polish
spokesman said, "The worst thing the Germans could have done to the Jews would
have been to transport them to the city centers being firebombed. Get off it!
Auschwitz was a ritzy summer camp compared to Dresden, Hamburg, the whole
friggin' Ruhr, Berlin and so on! Besides we had no Auschwitz swimming pool, high
class music hall, or whore house!"
A spokeswoman for the German Foreign Ministry commented that this was an
interesting and novel variety of inter-victim squabbling but that the
complainants might more appropriately and profitably address their "frigging'
bitching to the British and UAssA air farces."
---
CAMBRIDGE (USA): Dr. Norman Finkelstein, Harvard University's President
for the last five years, is coming under intense pressure for not cleaning the
Harvard house by firing certified plagiarizers, liars, and blood libelers. Many
Harvard top professors are infuriated that plagiarizers like Dershowitz and
blood libelers like Dan Goldhagen still even have parking privileges. A
spokeswoman for the pressure-makers said, "We brought in Norman to take out the
trash and take judaic revenge on zio-turds that had turned Harvard U. into
Hoaxoco$t U. Apparently President Finkelstein has been too influenced by Jesus'
teaching about forgive, forget, get on with your life and does not remember the
fierce persecution that that generation of vipers visited upon him."
President Finkelstein stated, "There is a delicate institutional balance at a
large university whereby the president has to provide football for the alumni,
sex for the undergraduates, and parking for the faculty. I do not want to take
drastic action and upset that balance. However, I have decided that the most
effective way to humiliate those two notorious holocaustomania holdouts is to
revoke their underground parking privileges. They will no longer be able to
sneak from their cars by hidden passageways past mocking students into their
offices. Moreover, I do not want the car bombings threatened against them to
occur in Harvard's private underground parking. Let the local police clean up
the mess on the streets at public expense."
---
PARIS: The French Government has officially released a scathing
indictment of the recently published Leuchter-Rudolf Report: The Number of
Guillotine Executions Carried out During the French Revolution. Leuchter and
Rudolf had concluded that the French government-mandated history books had
vastly overstated the number of guillotine victims in an effort to make the
French Revolution look like a big deal. According to their Report, the gross
exaggerations were first started by Napoleon I to scare the pants off the
Germans, Poles, and Russians he was about to invade and thereby get them to
surrender easily.
The French Government dismissed the Leuchter-Rudolf Report as an insult
to the guillotine victims, pseudo-scientific trash, and a misuse of the
basically honorable and necessary scholarly approach of guillotine revisionism.
A government spokesperson said, "The 4,000 French language copies will not be
burned but chopped up by guillotine as a symbolic scoff at the two anti-French
guillotine deniers. Let the backward Germans burn their reports and pollute the
environment. We chop up and recycle."
---
ST. LOUIS: The 100th Annual Convention of American WW1 veterans passed a
resolution calling on Congress to criminalize the denial of WW1. The veterans
argued that soon there will no longer be any living witnesses to testify to
their heroic sufferings during the World War. The veterans explained that as
witnesses die off, people forget about historical events and start to joke and
trivialize them and finally end up denying that the events ever even occurred.
The veterans pointed to the old argument used to criminalize holocaust denial.
Their spokesman said, "We all know now that that thar hoaxoco$t was a crock of
crap but them thar laws tellin' folks to shut up about it worked real good for a
spell. Lots of furriners and innerlekchuuals is now denyin' WW1. Let's shud 'im
up!"
+++++
DWWS paraphrased quote of the day:
"Draw a picture of the pile of wood necessary to do the open-air cremations
on the 33,000 bodies supposedly buried, dug up, and then burned at the urban ski
resort of Babi Yar in Kiev!"
